Circlegate

Neighborhood residents can now rest easier knowing that armed security guards have been stationed at the McKinley Circles in case any civilians try to beautify them.


Who would have thought that 5 or 6 of these cool wooden elves would generate so much controversy?


There was a serious incident that took place yesterday. You might have seen it on channel 2 news. A couple of fathers and their kids from St. Ambrose were going around passing out wooden elves to various neighborhood children. One of them was dressed as Santa Claus. They even came down to the ghetto and placed one on my mother's lawn.

However, this crew had the audacity to place 5 or 6 wooden elves on the McKinley Circles (which had no decorations on them). Don't be alarmed. Our fearless neighborhood vigilante confiscated (stole?) the wooden elves from the circles. Thank God. Now, we can all go back to staring at two large mounds of dirt.

God forbid anyone else receives any media attention for taking part in a community activity. The next thing you know, Byron Brown might ask them to be in one of his commercials. The circles are now safe, so don't worry. Using some of the tens of thousands of government dollars she gets each year,the circle princess has hired two armed guards to watch over them in case someone else attempts to beautify the area. Thank you, Marge. How would we survive without your commitment to yourself, err I mean the neighborhood ?