Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Blogger's Nightmare

It's getting really crazy out there. The other day I was walking down Main St. I was looking down at the tumbleweeds beneath my feet, when I noticed a big commotion by the old Goldome bank. Keannu Reeves was walking around downtown doing some location scouting for his new film, and a crowd was gathering.

I'm not a big fan of Reeves but I thought it was my journalistic duty to report the sighting to all five of my readers. As I got closer, I noticed the crowd beginning to move towards me. I heard one beautiful Reeves fan yell, "forget Keannu. There's our local blogger!" Fearing for my safety without my security detail available, I began to run as fast as I could but the crowd was relentless and getting closer.

A cab was going by and I dove inside just ahead of the excited mob of toothless, Seneca brand smoking, chicken wing eating, jobless Buffalonians. The cab driver shook my hand and in a Polish accent said, "hi. I'm Jan Radecki. The face of Buffalo. Where do you want I to take you to go?" I said, "I don't care. Just get me away from these crazy fans and get me back to South Buffalo." He took out a baseball bat and said, "South Buffalo? You're not another one of those Kane boys. Are you?" For some reason, he then drove me to the Broadway Market and said,"this is the farthest south I go in Buffalo" and struck me with his bat. The next thing I remember, I woke up in a house on Smith St. My wallet was gone. Fortunately, because I'm a member of the unentitled class, the only thing missing was my library card and a "buy twelve haircuts, get the thirteenth one free" coupon from Supercuts. Such is the price of fame.

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