Thursday, January 21, 2010

Random Thoughts From the Ghetto-Volume 20

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts left on my front lawn. I begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-The greatest Buffalo Bill of the 1990s was Thurman Thomas. Without a doubt, he was an unbelievable running back. However, I'm starting to get sick of seeing him everywhere trying to sell stuff. I hear him on WGR 55. I have to admit, I do like his candid analysis. But he's also on billboards promoting his sports camps for rich WNY residents. I call M & T to check my bank account and the first thing I hear is Thurman's voice. Now, I see he's going to be at Wegmans promoting his new chicken wing sauce. Come on already #34! I heard Thurman blew much of his money from his playing days but this is getting embarrassing. It's almost like he came back to WNY to bank in on his name. If he won one of those Super Bowls, he might have at least been able to pawn the ring.

-One thing you can never ask a woman is "When's your baby due?" out of the off chance that she's not pregnant and may have just packed on some weight. So most people just stay silent and pretend not to notice. If there's a 90% chance that a woman's pregnant, I still won't say anything. I wait until someone else finds out the good news or gets an angry tongue lashing.

-Every video involving South America on Tru TV involves a riot at a soccer game or people out in the streets wearing soccer jerseys shooting guns into the air. Reminds me of a quote I heard recently that "Rugby is a hooligans game played by gentlemen and soccer is a gentlemen's game played by hooligans".

-Buddy Nix, the Bills new GM, has a great Southern accent and sounds like a football guy. They could end up being 0-16 and it'll still sound like he knows what he's talking about. I'll take him over the two Ivy League bozos we've had recently (GM Marv Levy and head coach Dick Jauron). I heard Nix on the radio today talking about tacklin'. That's what we need. We hope.

-Because I'm poor and not related to Brian Higgins, I sometimes shop at the Salvation Army for my work clothes. I have a rule that I must thoroughly wash any clothes I buy from there before wearing them. The other day, I was in a hurry and quickly put on a pair of pants that I had just purchased from the store. Some friends were outside waiting for me in their car. I felt what I thought might be an itch and immediately decided to change out of them. I realized I wasn't in that much of a hurry.

-Speaking of the Bills, you can tell they are a second rate franchise by their cheerleaders. The San Diego Chargers and the Dallas Cowboys' cheerleaders look like Hollywood actresses or supermodels. The Bills cheerleaders look like they just got done finishing their shift at Wegmans. One of them even looks like she could be Ralph Wilson's older sister.

-The news lately is rather depressing. I was watching TV yesterday and I heard the newsman talking about mass graves, gangs wielding machetes, sporadic looting, sudden violence, and kids wandering the streets in search of their parents. I thought it just was another story on the tragedy over in Haiti but soon realized channel 2 was doing a local piece on Seneca St.

-You want to see something funny? Read the reader comments underneath the Shrine of Fatima article. The powers that be and their relatives are really getting upset over this blog. These people don't like the fact that they are being exposed to the general public by an ordinary schmuck like me. And to think, all I do is demonstrate that they and most of their friends are incompetent buffoons on a daily basis. All I am is the messanger.

-A new name is emerging to take on Byron Brown supporter Tim "Status Quo" Kennedy. His name is Shawn Cooney. Cooney is an attorney and seems very bright. He is not tied into the political machine like Kennedy and 357 year incumbant Bill Stachowski. Look for those two clowns to be going everywhere handing out giant checks as if it's their money. Remember, it's your money they are handing out. Cooney has helped out in South Buffalo before with Rogo's lawn cutting service. These are the guys who go around cutting lawns for elderly South Buffalo residents at no charge. I hope Cooney does well, and for the record, he's not related to this guy...


  1. Mike there is as rumor surfacing from a very credible source that you threatened a local politician to hire you as a garbage man or else you would turn 300 soccer families against them in the next election. You can be the best volunteer you want. But being an idiot will never get you a job!
    PS Watch your back

  2. Hahaha. That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long time. First of all, we have many more than 300 families on my email list. This blog got close to 1,500 visitors/week during the last month alone. I simply give my opinions on your friends and people can vote for whomever they want to. If you don't like my opinions, you're not being forced to read them.

    Secondly, anyone who knows me knows that I'm too lazy and out of shape to even want to be a garbage collector. You can go back to sleep now.