People keep telling me to "watch my back". The powers-that-be don't like the idea of regular citizens offering their opinions on everyday issues. Fortunately, we live in a Democracy. Although most of our elections are bought and paid for (see County Legislator Tim Kennedy), one can still exercise their right to free speech. In light of recent threats, I've decided to hire some bodyguards. Special thanks to Libyan President Muammar Gaddafi for lending me some of his staff. Hopefully, they'll be more alert than the people looking out for the Pope.