Monday, January 30, 2012

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 56

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

Some notes collected while wondering whatever happened to Andy Van Hellemond...

-It's always funny and shocking when you see an old picture of a bald person from when they had hair.

-Regardless of which street or direction you are coming from, the intersection of Clinton and Bailey is the worst corner (traffic wise) in the city. There's always someone trying to make a left turn with 42 cars behind them and no hope in sight.

-I kind of miss the old commercials for Syms. How many times did we hear the owner (Sy Syms) say, "Syms. Where an educated consumer is our best customer." ???

-Ralph Macchio was 25 years old during the making of The Karate Kid II. It should have been called The Karate Man.

-Did you ever notice, when a Hollywood star has a drug or alcohol problem, they always get taken to the hospital for exhaustion. But a waitress at your local diner could spend 10 hours on her feet, six days a week and people would laugh at her if she checked in for exhaustion. In reality, who is more likely to be exhausted, someone working their ass off or Demi Moore?

-Whenever a shocking crime takes place, neighbors always say, "stuff like this just doesn't happen on this street." If they dug up people from one of the backyards on my street, I'd probably tell the media, "I'm not shocked. I'm only surprised more things like this don't happen around here in the mothereffin ghetto."

-I used to find it funny when old ladies would call channel 7 to yell at Tom Jolls for not wearing a winter hat during the weather outside.

-Western New York usually has severe winters. Colds/flu are often a side effect of this. This is why it surprises me that most restaurants don't serve chicken soup daily around here. I always ask what soups a restaurant is serving and it very rarely is chicken soup. Wouldn't it make sense for every local restaurant to serve it from November until March?

-I'd like to see stink bombs make a comeback.

I'm kind of surprised that science hasn't developed one that kids could buy that could stink up an entire city block by now. That's what we really need.It would be great to see these come out of the crowd when one of our local self promoters makes one of their tiresome speeches.

-The most ridiculous thing on earth is when the schools try to teach kids about drugs in health class. Why not just tell the students that drugs are bad for them? They'd always bring in some crazy text book and try to name every nickname of every street drug popular in California. I remember them telling us to stay away from MaryJane, Goofballs, Ludes, Uppers, Downers, Red Devils,and Puff the Magic Dragon (whatever the hell that was). Nobody in our neighborhood was selling or taking any of this stuff. All it did was give us something else to make fun of. "Hey, you guys want to go do some goofballs?"Come on.

-I'd like to give a shout out to one of the blog's first readers, big Stevie Nicks fan Jennifer Schenk-Reiss. See what you started. You had to tell me it was pretty good. Now, 2,000 like-minded crazies read it each week.

And it all comes down to you
Well, you know that it does
Well, lightning strikes, maybe once, maybe twice...


No comments:

Post a Comment