Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 54

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

I was dreaming when I wrote these, so sue me if I go too fast...

-Living in the ghetto, I'm too poor to go on a real vacation so I travel through Google Earth. I pick a distant location and use the street level view and drive around town. I've been to London, Paris, and Gary, Indiana already this year.

-I don't really have anything against the Occupy Buffalo group, but I think it would be fun to drive over there at 2AM and throw some M-80s between their tents on behalf of the 1%.

-Not trying to be funny. I wish someone would help the poor guy who stands on Ridge and South Park screaming at the top of his lungs. He's probably a veteran and definitely mentally ill. Hopefully, someone is making an effort to get him help.

-Has a full game of Monopoly ever been finished in the history of mankind?

-Was that a transvestite passing out chicken samples at the Walden Galleria Mall food court for about 10 years?

-The Unabomber sent out his first bomb in 1978 to a college professor. Luckily, it turned out to be a dud. Two professors were examining the package with no return address on it. The one guy said, "It's addressed to you. Maybe it's a bomb. Hahahaha." It was.

-I've heard a few female sports play by play announcers and I think they're pretty good. In the 90's, I thought they were horrible, but the ones I hear now are better than most of the guys.

-They say a good blogger is one whose personality comes through in their posts. People read it to find out what they are going to say or do next. I even read my own blog to find out what stupid thing I'm going to do next.

-People like to refer to rare happenings as "miracles" way too often. If it can be explained by science, I hate to tell you, but it's not a miracle. If someone walks on water, or turns water into wine, or the Bills make it to the playoffs. Those are actual miracles.

-We knew it was time for John Madden to retire when he thought the yellow first down line we see on television was actually on the playing field. By the way, how did we watch football for 30 years without the aid of the aforementioned yellow line?

-Please tell me it's not true that there is a gated street in North Buffalo? You live in Buffalo, NY, losers.

-I'm part Irish. I'm proud of my heritage for sure. But I'd like to see someone unscrew those Irish street names along Abbott Road and throw them into Caz Creek. Dumb idea.

-One of the best lines in any songs was the "I want my MTV" line by Sting in the Dire Straits Money For Nothing song. Not only did it sound good, it became a marketing tool for the music network.



  1. Agreed about the Irish street signs. It's ridiculously pretentious. Looks like it's just another bread and circuses act from High Pants Higgins and his pack of phoney Irishmen. I'm willing to bet 90% of that crowd couldn't even find Ireland on a map if their lives dependid on it. Except, High Pants, of course. He's forever conulting about all things Irish with fellow egomaniac Bono and convicted terrorist Jerry Adams, so he knows everything there is to know about Ireland. Just ask him. It's about time High Pants and his flunky clowns start remembering that they are Americans. "Irish-American" is a misty-eyed word for bullshit. It's reserved for buffoons who paint everything in their life the color green. There is no such thing.

  2. Good post,this group is really hard to take St. Patricks week.I dont think I can stomach their hijinks many more years!Loud and drunk is no way to go through life.