Saturday, July 10, 2010
Kanes spotted near Seneca St.
Buffalo Public Schools' residency violator James Kane
Brian Higgins' $80,000/yr secretary Bonnie "Garbage Tax" Kane Lockwood
There have been recent reports of Kanes being spotted near the vicinity of Seneca Street. Please do not be alarmed. Although not seen in the area since the early 1980s, the Kanes were at one time native to the Seneca Street region.
Wildlife experts report that they may be on the move, expanding their territory in search of food, water, and more no-show government jobs for their children. If you see them at a wake (for someone they met once) or holding a clipboard at some stupid ribbon cutting ceremony, please do not approach them. Remember, they are more afraid of you than you are of them. Unless you are from a politically connected family or are wielding a large check, you probably have nothing to worry about. They will avoid you otherwise. If they see you, wave your arms, make noises, and try to make yourself appear big. Experts also advise against the use of bird feeders in the summer and leaving dumpsters open. If you see a Kane close to a neglected Seneca sidestreet, please contact 911 immediately.