Wednesday, November 11, 2009

How to Get a Job in Buffalo

A funny thing happened recently at City Hall. Months ago, a man applied for a job with the city. He told them he had a master's degree and twenty years of volunteer experience working with thousands of families within the city. He added that he was a lifelong city resident. The workers were very rude. After waiting in line for several minutes on one floor, the man was directed to another office before he was finally guided to yet a third floor. At the last floor, his application was accepted and he was coldly told ,by a woman who couldn't read, he would be contacted if there were any openings.

The man knew something wasn't right so he decided to take a new approach. He filled out a new application. On this one, he listed Brian Higgins down as one of his references, and wrote that Higgins was his uncle. He also changed the last name on his application to______________(Comerford, Kane, Keane, Finnegan, Scanlon, etc.) and went back to the first office. Under education, he crossed out his master's degree and wrote "NONE" in all capital letters.

All of a sudden, he could hear noisemakers. Balloons fell from what appeared to be the ceiling. A woman in a bikini came out and offered the man drinks. Two bagpipers appeared from another room and began playing. A man in a white suit came out and said they were so happy to finally meet the applicant. He apologized for the wait and told the man there was a special entrance just for people from the entitled families. He said he was surprised the man wasn't aware of it. He asked the man what job he wanted and when the man replied, he said he could start the very next day. The applicant asked about forms and the man in the white suit said "Don't worry. We'll have someone from a less entitled family fill those out for you. What time would you like to start tomorrow? How about 10AM? You can work from 10AM until you feel like going home. Maybe around 2 pm. Also, you can take a two hour lunch within that time. Does that work for you?"

The applicant could not believe his new found luck. After signing up for yacht club and the city's polo team, he was then given a free lifetime parking pass. Who knew this was how things worked in Buffalo? He always thought that hard work and education would lead to good results. Little did he know, it was all about making just a few minor changes to his application.

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