Thursday, November 18, 2010

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 37


I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

"I'm an artist. Bring me a tuba and I'll get you something out of it." John Lennon

-My favorite part of international sporting events is when fans from one country boo the national anthem of another country. Remember when the Canadian fans booed the U.S. national anthem during the old Canada Cup hockey series? Talk about class. If it was a few fans, you could blame it on the Molsons. But this was more than 1,000. But pure hatred is what makes a great rivalry.

-I felt bad when I heard about the poor Asian-American guy in jail in Michigan for 8 years for mowing down several people with his car a few years back. He swore the brakes simply failed. Later, it was revealed he was driving one of those Toyota Prius. You know those hybrids with the failing brake system. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Have you driven a Ford lately?

-Did you hear about the plane crash last month in the African country of Congo? A passenger hid a crocodile inside a large sports bag. The reptile escaped and the ensuing panic caused a stampede. The stampede is believed to have caused the plane to go down, killing 19 of the 20 people on board. The crocodile survived, though! Exotic pet guy strikes again. There's one in every group.

-I learned recently why elephants are afraid of mice. Mice have been known to run up the trunks of the elephants and become lodged, causing them to choke (the elephants that is). Several elephants die each year in Africa because of this. Now you know. They actually have good reason to panic.

-It should be illegal for radio stations to play Christmas music before Thanksgiving. Stations that violate this law should be fined $1 million for each day they do so.

-The NFL is always trying to push these throwback uniforms. I'd like to see them go out and play one week with leather helmets and no facemasks. If you're going to go throwback, throw it way back. Then the games might even be worth watching.

-They've created a term for all these new hi-tech gadgets-Convergence. TVs are becoming obsolete and are simply an extension of computers, these days. Your grandchildren are going to ask you what a cable guy was. I don't know the difference between an IPod and an IPad.

Pretty soon everything is going to be combined into one thing. A new device makes it possible to change the volume or channel of these idiot boxes by using hand signals and giving vocal commands. Did you ever think you'd see the day when remote controls were for the
less lazy people? Maybe the unibomber was correct after all. Go forth an sin no more...

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