Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 32


I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-I'm inclined to believe Columbus had it right. The earth is flat. Here is the map of what our children should be studying in school.

-And this landing on the moon crap...I'll believe it when I see it. One small step for man, one giant leap for American propaganda.

-Some interesting quotes I heard lately: Sigmund Freud said the Irish were "impervious to psychoanalysis." If he said it today, he'd probably have to go on an apology tour. And speaking about the lack of randomness in nature, Albert Einstein said, "God does not play dice with the Universe."

-When people ask me for advice before they go for an interview, I usually say, "Just be somebody other than yourself."

-I would pay a large sum of money to watch civil war reenactors compete against U.S. Postal employees in anything. (dodgeball, flag football, boxing). Could you imagine the fireworks that would result from the pent up aggression and anger on both sides? Somebody put that on Reality TV.

-It's always funny when NFL coaches talk about the great importance of rookies being at training camp on time. Bills' rookie C.J. Spiller showed up at the end of camp and has been the best player on the field the last few games. Maybe Bruce Smith had it right back in the day.

-At concerts, I'm not a big fan of encores. When a performer leaves the stage for the first time, who really believes the concert is over? Just do all the songs you want and then leave the stage until the next show. Has there ever been a performance so bad the crowd begged the band
not to come back and perform one more song?

-In the 1980's, it was pretty pathetic to see musicians try to be actors with those stupid videos. They would always be in the starring role of some kind of attempt to visualize the meaning of their songs. Phil Collins was the worst. The videos I liked the most were the ones where the band did what musicians are good at-THEY PLAYED THEIR MUSIC ON A STAGE AND DIDN'T TRY TO BE MATT DAMON OR ROBERT FREAKING DE NERO!

-Formal education is the biggest waste of time and money known to man. This is confirmed to me every time I watch a documentary on somebody brilliant and they mention that they "dropped out of school in the 10th grade".

-Why do serial killers insist on leaving bodies in the basement? Every time they are caught, authorities say they first became suspicious when they entered the house and noticed a strange smell. "Oh, don't mind that smell. It's just yesterday's leftovers. It's not rotting, decaying human flesh underneath my floor boards or anything!"

Go forth, sin no more, and buy my T-shirts for only $11.99 at http://www.anyonebutandrew.com/. Lawn signs come in this Friday!They will be under $5.


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