Friday, March 23, 2012

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 60

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-I think the world would be a better place if more people showed up to work wasted.

-Daylight's Saving Time is weird. I had to work at 7AM which, 24 hours earlier, was 6AM. I was driving to work at 6:30 and saw all these people in front of the neighborhood bar giving each other high fives. I thought: They have a lot of energy for the morning. Then, I realized they were still out from the night before.

-Mighty Taco gives me bad breathe.

-How did we survive the last four/five months with out a Director of Special Projects? Chris Fahey made $88,000.00 per year based on that ridiculously fake title. It's a shame. Had he not run, we may have had so many new special projects for our area. Look for Fahey to walk into another overpaid public sector job. He's a political prostitute. That's what they do. (As soon as we hear what it is, we will pass on the information.)

-In November, I'm still walking around in short sleeves, reluctant to admit the winter is upon us. In March, I usually still wear my coat everywhere. Even when the forecast called for a high of 80 degrees.

-Great quote I heard from an elderly woman at Super Cuts last week: "Make me look pretty, honey because hell doesn't take ugly people and I plan on looking good for heaven."

-FBI profilers always say the serial killing suspect appears to have some sort of police background or military training. Then, they eventually catch the guy and find out he had neither.

-Note to fantasy football guy: Nobody cares about your NCAA "brackets" either, so please keep them to yourself.

-Next winter, after our third day below freezing, old ladies everywhere will be heard saying, "See, now we're going to pay for last winter." This, despite the fact that the two seasons are mutually exclusive.

-A developmentally disabled person asked me the other day if I thought a feminine sounding cashier at the local McDonald's was gay. I responded by saying, "Who knows and who cares?" He persisted, and said the guy seemed to have "a little sugar in his tank." His exact words.

-Hats off to the A district police officer who poured out his underage sister's beer at the St. Patrick's Day Parade. When she got lippy with him, he threatened to put cuffs on her and take her downtown. Not knowing it was his sister, a woman in the crowd complained that he couldn't arrest someone for drinking on St. Patrick's Day. He told her to mind her own business or he would take her in for obstruction.


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