Monday, October 12, 2009

Random Thoughts From the Ghetto-Volume 9

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and I begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

- One piece of clothing you can't really wear anywhere is a ski mask. It probably would make sense for them to be popular in Buffalo from December until the end of February. However, unless you're gliding down the side of a mountain somewhere, people are going to think you're committing some sort of crime. Too bad.

-Next Bills home game, expect to see a few fans sitting in the stands with the paper bags over their heads. That never goes out of style and is always funny. I think it might have started with "the unknown comic" from the old gong show. Speaking of which, I'd like to see them bring back that show.

-Another thing that's starting to get funny are the post game "interviews" with Bills 91 year old owner Ralph Wilson. He's 91 years old. Leave him alone. He always tries to respond to the question before he's quickly whisked away by one of his handlers. Last week I think I heard him say, "What do I care about football? I'm 91 years old. It hurts every time I pee."

-From what I saw of it, that was one of the most boring Bills games ever played yesterday. The most exciting part of the game was when they showed a commercial for erectile dysfunction.

-I can always tell whether it's going to be a good day or a bad day. When I leave the house and can smell the cereal from the General Mills plant, I know it's going to be a nice day. When I leave the house and smell the rotton stench from Sorrento Cheese, I feel like turning around and going back to bed.

-Did I miss something? When did people start coughing into their elbows? I think it would be funny if people started coughing into their knees. I'd start this trend but I don't think I can get my knees up to my mouth anymore. Actually, I can. But some things are better left to the younger set.

-A few weeks ago, I criticized composite sketch artists. One group of people I think are incredible are forensic artists. These are the people that take human skulls and project what the person might have looked like. Sometimes, they look at pictures of missing people and project what they are going to look like years later. They are often very close. What an amazing talent.

-From the talented to the talentless. What is Don Paul still doing on television? This guy is so annoying. I watch channel 4 news until I see him and I switch over to another channel. Please don't try to be funny, Don. You are really strange. First of all, you went to school to be a weatherman. You are right about the weather as much as Danny Neaverath was and at least he was funny. If anyone from channel 4 finds this blog, please listen to your viewers. Set him free.

-These were just some random thoughts from the ghetto. No real people were hurt during the writing of this diatribe. Thank you for reading my crap. Go forth and sin no more.

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