Thursday, October 29, 2009

Random Thoughts From the Ghetto-Volume 11

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and I begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-It's always funny when someone tries to sell one of their kids on Ebay. You hear about this happening in the news every once in awhile. What are these people thinking? Back when we were kids, our parents used to just threaten to send us to Father Baker's.

-Another thing I like is when someone tries to 'ship' themselves via UPS. I know this has happened a few times. I wonder if anyone has ever been successfull at this. If it absolutely, positively has to be there over night...

- You can always tell you're in the ghetto by the way people drive. I know sometimes people drive crazy in nice neighborhoods. However, the poor are the worst drivers ever. I live off of Hopkins. Not Hopkins Rd. Hopkins St. I usually drive the speed limit or a few MPH above it. Almost daily, cars fly by me and pass me on the right side of the road. They look like they could be going 55 MPH on a road constantly occupied by pedestrians. I'd like to get a flashing sign on my rear view window that says, "Slow down white trash!" However, I wouldn't want to discriminate against my other neighbors (black and hispanic) who also drive the same way. There are many other nice neighbors here but come on. We know you are going to buy fireworks, cigarettes, or just sit on someone's porch until 3AM. Why are you in such a hurry?

-It's deer hunting season, so everyone knows what that means. Stay away from Chinese restaurants!

-I plan on starting a business someday. I don't know what we'll be selling but I have a feeling it will involve an abandoned, makeshift office.

-Halloween was always a fun night in my neighborhood. Actually, it was a fun few nights. We would sometimes go to West Seneca where they would pass out candy the night before Halloween. It was called beggar's night and believe me, we lived up to the name. Halloween in our South Buffalo neighborhood was also good. You'd always hear these horrible stories about "bushwackers" or "bagsnatchers". These were the teenagers that would go around looking for kid's bags to steal, quite a noble profession.
The best part of Halloween was going to Marino's Pizza on S. Park. They always gave out these tiny, free slices of pizza. We would change costumes and go back again until we were full. The worst givers were the people who passed out religious pamphlets instead of candy. Come on. If you're going to do that, you might as well just turn off your lights and not give out anything. You have 364 other days each year to spread your faith, couldn't you just staple a Reese Cup to one of your propaganda sheets? Go forth and sin no more...

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