Monday, October 5, 2009

Random Thoughts From the Ghetto-Volume 8

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and I begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-The Bills game this week was pretty tough to watch. The team was whipped by the Miami Dolphins by a score of 38-10. It was so bad that I heard Tim Russert and Ralph Wilson were both rolling over in their graves.

-It's always funny when someone dresses up like a person of trust (police officer, priest, etc) and commits a crime. I mean, come on. Save it for Halloween. One guy got carried away recently and his scam backfired. I guess he tried to rob a bank dressed as a dental hygentist?

-It was a very hard decision. I weighed the pros and cons and went over many different scenerios in my head. I know this decision is going to affect many people but sometimes you just have to roll the dice and go with what you believe in. I'm switching to Flinstones chewables.

-Looks like my journalistic exploits are starting to get to people. You should see the anonymous emails I'm getting from members of the entitled elite. They are so slanderous I can't even print them. Someone actually took the time to send two anonymous notes (do you see a theme developing here?) to the principal at my school. Don't worry. I have a highly trained team of detectives working on the case. I'd like to come clean. I am guilty of sending poorly scanned pictures of local leaders followed by even more poorly written commentary. I expect the responses from the privileged elite to get nastier before they get better. For the record, I don't need these bottom feeders for anything. Perfect? I'm far from it. However, unlike these political hangers-on, I have no trouble sleeping at night.

-I tell all the students at my school in 4th grade and below that I live in a log cabin and get flown to school at 5:30 each morning by helicopter, which lands on the school's roof. Obviously, it's not true but they don't need to know that.

-Does anyone remember those white T-shirts they gave away about 25 years ago with all the new phone books? They said Premium Goods on them. I think I was the last person in WNY to still wear one until I realized people were making fun of me. That's ok. I made 14 cents off this blog today. Who's laughing now?

-I heard Lindy Ruff a few weeks ago say he likes the team he has and wasn't bothered by the fact that they didn't make many offseason moves. I know he was behind the bench for all of the games last season, but did Ruff actually watch any of the games? The Sabres store is going to start selling paper bags with the eyes cut out soon for fans to wear to home games.

-Speaking of the Sabres, I was watching the game the other day against Montreal. During the game, two life sized Cellino & Barnes guys popped up on the screen and began to speak their nonsense. Are you kidding me? Get off of my TV screen, losers! You're already in my phone books and on the side of every bus in town. Do we really need to see your two ugly faces pop up and watch the damn hockey game with us? A new low.

- Like watching someone fall on ice, we don't know how to react when we see someone get splashed by a puddle. I was coming home from school on Thursday on Hopkins St. There was a puddle the size of Wisconsin at the corner of Hopkins and Trowbridge Streets. I was following a yellow cheese bus. This poor guy was walking on the sidewalk with traffic. He probably felt like he was being tackled by a linebacker. Words cannot describe what I witnessed. The bus sped through the puddle and water flew into the air. This was one of the biggest tidal waves I have ever witnessed. I don't think he even saw it coming. He might be in therapy for years to come. Go forth and sin no more...

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