Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 46


I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-After a long spell of bad luck, finally some good luck. I was randomly selected to be given $500,000 pounds and all I had to do was send a $5,000 check to a bank manager in Africa. The money's on it's way to Nigeria as we speak. Things are going to start happening now.

-I worked with the developmentally disabled for about six years. One of my favorite stories was of one of the clients showing up for a job interview in a three piece suit. (The job he was applying for was a dishwasher.) From what I heard, the restaurant manager couldn't contain his laughter during the interview.

-A good idea for a reality show: Have a regular guy go to job interviews and have him say outrageous things to the interviewer (with a hidden camera, of course). "Can you tell us a little something about yourself?" "F@c* you! Why don't you tell me something about yourself, you greasy bastard."

-Fred Savage' career really took off after The Wonder Years.

-Every customer at McDonald's checks their bag before leaving the restaurant to see what random part of their order was not given to them. The best part is how the employee usually waits too, assuming (usually correctly) that they screwed up some part of the order.

-Those DVD bins at Target or Walmart are really annoying. All the visible DVDs usually are horrible, but we keep fishing for the ones underneath, hoping there is an Academy Award winning film buried down there. What eventually happens is the tower we created falls and the movies end up all over the floor. And, by the way, the movies at the bottom are always just as crappy as the ones at the top.

-It's a good thing the Jacksonville Jaguars signed Bills Linebacker Paul Posluszny to a six year $45 million dollar contract. The Bills are really going to miss him and the three games a year he suits up for.

-I heard some pro football player on ESPN radio talking about how he couldn't wait to strap on the pads and start hitting people again and how he hoped to be a leader this year for his team. At the end of the interview, the ESPN reporter casually mentioned that he was a punter.


No comments:

Post a Comment