Random Thoughts From the Ghetto-Volume 4

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and I begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-It's always funny on TV sitcoms when there is a fire and an able bodied male screams and pushes old ladies and children out of the way in order to get out. Fortunately, most of us will never be in a fire in a crowded place. However, there are certain people we all suspect would act that way given the situation. The funniest scenes like this that come to mind are George Costanza on Seinfeld followed by Cliff Claven on Cheers.

-Something you never see anymore on TV is when someone accidentally lets go of, or pushes a person in a wheelchair down a declining hallway. After undergoing the initial shock of the situation, the next noise the viewer hears is usually the person in the wheelchair screaming or the sound of the wheelchair going down a flight of stairs. Usually, the person had been portrayed as a cranky character which made their circumstances funny. In real life, this would be horrible of course. But it's TV. It's not meant to be real. The person in the wheelchair is an actor whose probably not even disabled. They don't care! 99% of the people at home in wheelchairs think it's funny too. However, God forbid anyone's feelings get hurt. The runaway wheelchair. Another victim of our politically correct society.

-I don't watch too much TV nowadays but one show I find interesting is Forensic Files. The show is narrated by Peter Thomas. His voice is amazing and they always play this eerie music in the background every time some new question arises. It is usually on Tru TV 600 times a day. The best Forensic Files shows aren't even the ones that focus on murders. I saw one that showed how they discovered "mad cow" disease in England. Another showed how the sewer system in Pittsburgh (I think?) was the cause of all these unexplained deaths due to E-Coli. Science was my worst subject in my 33 wasted years of school, but I do enjoy watching this show.

-As everyone knows, the world lost a great entertainer recently. He was a superstar whose talent captivated the entire world. He was widely regarded as the most charismatic person to come along since Elvis Presley. And like Elvis, he died way too young and before his time. Yes, Bea Arthur is no longer with us. But we will be blessed with his incredible talent on reruns of the Golden Girls for many more years to come.

-With the Buffalo Bills recent pre-season troubles, the NFL has made a few schedule changes. They will be opening up the season next week against the Toronto Argonauts of the CFL. Their last home game will be against the Kenmore West Blue Devils.

-An embezzler, a priest, and a molester walk into a bar... And that was just the first guy!!!

-When someone gets killed, did you ever notice how the media and law enforcement always assume it's the spouse that committed the crime? When Joan Diver was murdered, the police and the media labeled her husband as a "person of interest." They said he was not cooperating with law enforcement and people at his work said he was acting strange. I saw his picture on TV and thought they shouldn't even bother checking out any other leads. They had me convinced he did it. Diver is lucky Altemio Sanchez left one drop of sweat on the car's steering wheel. Had he not, Diver would probably be sitting in a jail cell right now or still trying to convince us all that he didn't kill his wife.

-A friend of mine tells a similar story about the murder of a Hillside St. woman years ago. She was known to be an acquaintance of an Arab American store owner named Tony. How an Arabian store owner got the name Tony is a topic for a different post on a different day. The word around the neighborhood was that Tony hung out with her a great deal and was the last person to see her alive. People started calling him the "Hillside St. strangler" behind his back. He was questioned and released by police before fleeing to the Middle East. Tony knew he was innocent but couldn't take the heat and rumors. Years later Dennis Donahue's DNA was linked to the murder scene. In fact, Donahue's DNA had a bad habit of showing up at other murder scenes as well. He is now suspected of killing Lynn DeJac's daughter as well as another former acquaintance. As far as Tony is concerned, we hardly knew you. So much for his faith in the American criminal justice system. Thank God for advances in DNA. After you listen to this song by the Talking Heads, please go forth and sin no more.