Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 35


I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-I heard the trapped miners in Chile are all fighting because they each want to be the last guy pulled out. Is it bravery or could it be that they just want one more day away from their wives? If I was down there, they wouldn't get any arguments from me. I'd be like, "No problem. I'll see you when I see you." I'd be cutting in front of guys with broken arms and legs to get out of there. I'm not proud.

-With the Bills' recent struggles, it got me to think of some classic moments in team history. Remember when Billy Joe Hobart admitted that he didn't read the playbook before he unexpectedly entered a game? Then, I remember Vince Ferragamo writing the plays on his wristband because he kept forgetting them. Finally, I think it was Joe Ferguson who had the helmet colors switched from white to red because he said he was "color blind." Color blindness is an underrated trait in quarterbacks. I'm not even going to mention Rob Johnson and J.P. Lossman.

-There are certain moments in life where you always remember exactlywhere you were when you heard the news. Everyone remembers where they were when they heard J.F.K. was shot. We all remember where we were when we found out the towers were hit on 9/11. Finally, we all remember where we were when we found out the shocking news that Ricky Martin was gay.

-I'm thinking about buying stock in Blockbuster Video.

-If there's one thing I can't stand it's when someone is talking to you at a party/event, they see someone they think is more important, and they rush over to salivate over them. What's funny is the people that do this are usually looking to impress others and all they end up doing is making themselves look like starstruck losers.

-Kids today have no idea who Benedict Arnold was. When I was a kid, everyone knew it was an insult to be referred to as Arnold. In fact, nobody has stepped up to replace America's all time best traitor. I thought John Walker Lindh (the American Taliban) had a shot but he didn't have the same star power as Arnold.

-I heard a funny story about the makeshift jail/court they used to put in the basement at the old Veterans' Stadium in Philadelphia to deal with unruly/drunk fans. The first time they ever used it was during an Eagles/Cowboys game. The first guy they arrested was drunk out of his mind before the judge (a violation of his constitutional rights?). Anyway, the judge said, "Is there something you'd like to say for yourself?" The guy said, "Yeah. Troy Aikman's a fag!" The judge should have let him walk away right there.

-This week's Avis We Try Harder Award has to go to Mike Coniglio of South Buffalo. He volunteered to bring lawn signs to some far away outposts across the state for Carl Paladino's campaign. He has been working very hard for Paladino. The only problem was he forgot to tell his wife. He called her the other day and left a message saying, "I'm in New York City. I'll be home on Monday."

-Some commercials are just stupid. I seriously doubt on his day off, Brett Favre is riding around in a beat up pick up truck with no air conditioning, looking to play touch football in the mud with some random guys he just met.

-Go forth and sin no more and please see a doctor if your erection lasts longer than four hours.

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