I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and I begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...
-I saw Seymour Knox III name in the paper a few weeks ago. If you're born with the first name Seymour, chances are your family isn't hurting for money. You don't see too many kids running around Riverside or Babcock with the first name Seymour.
-One of the most annoying things nowadays is when you call a company for help. You have to listen to one of their five minute commercials where they say answers to the most commonly asked questions can be found on our website. BS. If you're dumb enough to go to their website, all it ends up doing is confusing you even more. Just answer the phone and answer my damn question.
-I can tell I'm getting old because kids swearing bothers me. Before, I'd hear kids walking up the street using bad language and I just wrote them off as white trash. Now, when I hear teenagers swear, my first reaction is "Hey!!!" Watch your mouth!!!
-It's always funny when you hear someone running for office say their goal is to create jobs. Politicians don't create jobs. They never have. They never will. Businesses create jobs. They keep saying it though and stupid people continue to buy into it. In Western New York, the only jobs they've created are for moving companies.
-How do you believe anything is real? For all those years, teachers told us Pluto was the smallest planet. Then, one day, scientists just out of the blue say it isn't even a planet?
-Most ridiculous response to my comment that we have too many sons and daughters of political prostitutes getting handed political jobs: "Mike, the good people are the ones that end up getting the jobs." The sad part is these people are so stupid they probably believe that. So I guess you and I aren't "good people" because we haven't forfeited our self respect like these degenerates have. And of course it was an anonymous comment.
- I remember working at fast food restaurants helping the disabled keep their jobs. A manager at KFC told one of my clients that KFC liked to send spies into the restaurant to make sure they were kept clean. I told my worker to watch out for a guy with gray hair, a goatee, and glasses who was dressed in all white (obviously describing Colonel Sanders). The manager apparently didn't get the joke. She interrupted me and said, "No. The guy they usually send is Puerto Rican and has dark hair."
I found this clip of Tom Petty inserting Hit the Road Jack into one of his songs in concert...