Sunday, February 14, 2010

Random Thoughts From the Ghetto-Volume 22

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts left on my front lawn. I begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-Somebody needs to do something about these school bus aides. Is it really necessary for them to back up traffic by having five minute conversations with the parents waiting for their kids? They seem oblivious to the fact that cars are backed up for a mile waiting for them to get back inside the bus. I'm usually pretty patient but I think it might be time for motorists to start blaring their horns until they get the message.

-They had one of those Flash Mobs at city hall last week. If you're not familiar with a Flash Mob, it's where people communicate via the Internet and decide to meet at a certain place and time and do something completely random and bizarre for a very brief period of time. They then stop and everyone disperses. On Thursday at 11:20 AM, the workers at city hall began smiling at residents. They spoke proper English and offered to help them with whatever concerns the residents had. They actually answered phone calls in person and did not try to pawn people off to other departments. Two minutes later, it all stopped and the workers went back to being arrogant and indifferent again.

-I'm not a big Mighty Taco fan. However, I feel obligated to inform the readers that they are opening a satellite restaurant inside the NOCO gas station(across from Delta Sonic). Not to be outdone, Taco Bell is going to share space with KFC on Abbott when they finish that construction project 65 years from now. Either they know there are many fat slobs in the neighborhood or they're expecting a sudden influx of Mexican immigrants.

-Does anyone remember when the cable company gave everyone free cable for one weekend and they accidentally included the Playboy Channel? Oops. I'll bet someone was called into the boss' office on the Monday following that slip up.

-We still haven't won a Super Bowl or a Stanley Cup but Buffalo is leading the country in artist renditions. Everyday in the paper, some politician is coming up with pictures of what Bass Pro or the waterfront are going to look like 25 years from now. That, and the oversized check at the local community center are two of their biggest known scams.

-It's become too much of a cliche' for the players to dump Gatorade on the coach's head after winning a big football game. The best was when some college team doused their coach after scoring a go ahead touchdown with 30 seconds left in a bowl game a few years back. The opposing team then returned the ensuing kickoff back for the winning touchdown. That's one locker room I wouldn't have wanted to been near.

-It's never good to judge a book by it's cover but if a guy wears jeans and a ponytail, he's pretty much advertising the fact that he's served time for something.

-American figure skater Johnny Weir has announced that he won't wear fox fur on his outfit at the Olympics after receiving death threats from anonymous animal rights activists. A guy wearing costumes with fur. That's really going to hurt the image most people have of figure skating being such a masculine sport.

-White people love going to movies with predominantly black audiences. One time, I was at a movie at the old Thruway Mall. The bad guy was about to get what he had coming to him at the end of the movie. Right before he was about to get shot, someone in the crowd yelled, "Kill the m*th#rf*c&er!

-One time, I went to a funeral for one of my old client's fathers with a coworker. It was on Genessee Street. The preacher was delivering this great eulogy for the man who had died at age 79. He said,"Alonzo Sr. lived a great life. A God-fearing life that ended suddenly at age 79. He lived such a great life, I'm going to give him 80!" My coworker and I looked at each other in stunned disbelief. We never knew ministers had the authority to add time to someone's life. Go forth and sin no more...

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