Random Thoughts From the Ghetto-Volume 21

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts left on my front lawn. I begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-It's funny how most inventions are so simple. I notice many walkers and runners these days are seen at night wearing big headlights on them. Someone could have thought of this 30 years ago when the running boom started, but didn't. They're probably a good idea, but you won't see me jogging down McKinley Parkway looking like the coalminer's daughter.

-On the way to school this morning at 7AM, I heard the song about the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald on the radio. When I finished school at 3:30, I got in my car and the same song was still playing. This song by Gordon Lightfoot and Freebird by Lynyrd Skynyrd might be two of the longest songs known to man.

-I love it when the FBI gives bank robbers nicknames. Some of the more recent ones are the geezer bandit, the shaggy(from Scooby Doo) bandit, the bad teeth bandit, and the prep school bandit. I also think it's funny and clever when bank robbers dress up like women to commit their crimes. I laugh when they put their pictures in the paper. It's usually some guy 6 ft 4 with a five o'clock shadow wearing a pink dress and high heels.

-People are too politically correct these days. We need to bring back ethnic based jokes. Here's a classic: Did you hear about the Polish terrorist who tried to blow up a car? He burned his mouth on the exhaust pipe. OK. Next week, we come after the French.

-A guy from the Bible who got a pretty raw deal in history was Lazarus. You never hear about him but he was the only other guy to ever rise from the dead. Four days after he died, Christians believe Jesus woke him up (apparently to apologize for missing his wake.) And all he wanted to know was who shot JR Ewing while he was asleep.

-Speaking of the Bible, whatever happened to the guy with the rainbow wig that had great seats to every major sporting event known to man. He always held the big sign that said John 3:16?

-I worked with the developmentally disabled for about six years before becoming a political dissident/substitute teacher. They always came up with some good Yogi Berra type lines. One didn't like some of her coworkers and said, "I don't care what people say about me behind my back but they better watch what they say to my face." Another wanted to say that she felt like she was stuck between a rock and a hard place. However, she would always say, "I feel like I'm stuck between a hardball and a softball." To this day, I still don't even know what that means.

-I'm still in contact with a few of my former clients. My favorite line came recently from one of them around Christmas. He knew I needed a remote control for my television and he said," Hey Mike.I got you a remote control for Christmas. But I gave it to someone else." I guess it's the thought that counts.

-After coaching for 19 years and working with the developmentally disabled for the last 6, it was nice to know that James Kane recommended Brian Hillery for a physical education job at school #84(a school specifically designed for disabled students) over me. It would have been nice to have at least been interviewed. James Kane is a West Seneca resident. Hillery's grandfather was a popular phys ed teacher. It's ok, though. Before this blog, the average Buffalonian didn't know James Kane from James Kahn. Now 200 readers a day know he lives in West Seneca and collects a huge salary for keeping an eye out for South Buffalo political hacks and their kids. Just in the last few years, Kane has ensured the hiring of Hopper Rush' niece, Brian Higgin's nephew, Jim Comerford's daughter, and now Jim Hillery's grandson. There were some tough questions taking place during these intense interviews.Hey, what's your father's last name? What year did he go to Timon? Wasn't he a 3rd string quarterback in the 70s/80s? Didn't your cousin go to a big time school and then come home five months later? What's your uncle's stupid Irish nickname? What's up buddy? Are you a drunk? You don't live over by Seneca or Hopkins St., do you? That sound you hear soon might be the sound of the chickens coming home to roost.

-There are salacious rumors being spread by local political hangers on, that I extort their bosses out of hundreds of dollars in exchange for favorable press coverage. As someone who takes his journalistic responsibilities very seriously, I have to say I'm outraged and deeply offended by these unfounded and malicious attacks on my character. You can't put a price on wit and intellect. Besides, I charge at least $1,000.00.