Monday, February 13, 2012

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 57

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

Some notes collected while wondering whatever happened to Tai Babilonia and Randy Gardner...

-It's amazing how long it sometimes takes to come up with simple ideas. How long did we bang on the glass ketchup bottles and stick knives inside of them before we realized it might be a good idea to turn them upside down? And didn't you think it looked ridiculous the first time you saw an upside down ketchup bottle in a restaurant or on a store shelve?

-It's always funny when a male figure skater throws a female figure skater up in the air and drops her. First, there is the psychological pain of training every day for the past 10 years and screwing up. Then, there's the physical reality that you just dropped someone on their head.

-Remember when you knew how much a stamp cost because they didn't raise the postage rate every seven weeks? I couldn't even tell you how much a basic stamp costs these days. However, I do know it's much cheaper to pay my bills online.

-The worst decision of the century goes to whoever decided to give Steve from the Jerry Springer Show his own show. How does one make the transition from security guard to daytime talk show host?

-I get sick often. In fact, I only go to church one day a year, on St. Blaise Day, to get my throat blessed. If St. Blaise was around today, he's probably have an endorsement contract with Chloraseptic.

-I'm not a big fan of organized religion, but I do enjoy the church bells that go off every two hours each day somewhere in South Buffalo.

-You're not from South Buffalo unless you've walked home at least once from downtown after a night on Chippewa.

-Everyone knows someone who knows someone who has seen someone walking on the Skyway.

-It's too bad everything has to be leaked weeks in advance these days. Had they not talked about it ad nauseum in the press, the Ferris Bueller commercial during the Super Bowl would have been a classic. Unfortunately, there was no element of surprise.

-If you only watch one football game a year and it's the Super Bowl, please refrain from talking about your "squares" every ten minutes. I mean this when I say, nobody cares.

-Several years ago, my friend was observing a class at South Park High School for his teaching degree. A few of the students recognized him from reffing their summer basketball games. One of the students turned around (with the regular teacher present) and yelled, "Hey Reiss, you crazy son of a bitch! What the hell are you doing here?"

-The guy with the perm jumping on the tightrope during Madonna's half time show will forever be embedded into every nightmare I ever have.

-You don't see many people wedging their cigarette packs between their shirts and shoulder blades these days. Surprising, since this was such a sophisticated look. It said, "I like country music, monster truck shows, and my right to bear arms."


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