Saturday, July 16, 2011

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 45


I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-When I was a kid, they would say someone got "beat up." Now, they say "beat down." What year did this phrase change?

-I was watching the Rocky marathon on AMC last weekend and a question flashed across the screen: It said, who do you think would win in a fight, Rocky or Rambo? There was no mention of the crazy trucker/arm wrestler from Over the Top.

-Sometimes I have a slow reaction to things. Did a woman actually hire a group of thugs to try and break the legs of a rival figure skater? Did this really happen?

-What the hell was Mork from Ork doing on an episode of Happy Days? I thought the show was about midwestern life during the 1950's, not space aliens.

-I keep having this reoccurring dream where my teeth fall out one by one. I don't know why this is, since I brush my teeth every day and have no cavities. I wake up and it actually feels like they're all gone.

-It's great to see the U.S. Women's Soccer team do so well. They are a great team, work very hard, and I'm a big fan of Abbie Wambach. I hope they win tomorrow, but it is annoying when Hollywood celebrities like Tom Hanks and others tweet about them. Whenever I hear a media cheerleader talking about the game, I change the radio station immediately. I'm no expert, but they don't have a clue as to what they are talking about.

-One time, I stopped by a friend's house to say hello. His 13 year old brother was known for being in and out of trouble, but we always got along. He answered the door and I said, "Hey Jeff. What's going on?" For no reason, he kicked me "where it counts" as hard as he could. The next thing I remember was rolling around on the porch screaming in pain, as he apologized repeatedly. To this day, he says he doesn't know why he did it. I actually ran into Jeff (pictured below) at a party today. He is sporting the same look he had right before he "sucker kicked" me 17 years ago...

And every single meeting with his so-called superior
Is a humiliating kick in the crotch
Many miles away
Something crawls to the surface
Of a dark Scottish loch...



  1. I can relate to Jeff. I've ALWAYS done random, at times cruel things for NO REASON. Was that a true story?

  2. yes. is a true story. he just called me up and claims his brother "dared him to do it." i don't believe this at all, since his brother would never have done this. in fact, i remember his brother coming out and yelling at him for "sucker kicking" me. and he was not acting. it's a painful memory.