Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Councilman Wingo's solution for success: Lower the bar

Masten Councilmember Ulysees Wingo has averted a potential tragedy by shifting the affirmative action debate over admission to City Honors into a war of words geared towards the real villains in this issue: working class Catholic school parents...

"I take exception to the idea that affluent parents who send their children to Catholic schools should have a right, based off of the fact they are Catholic, that they should have exclusive rights to City Honors," he said, later adding: "I support City Honors . . .  What I don't support is a lack of diversity. We have Buffalo public school students who are equally qualified . . .  If parents feel a Catholic education is right for them, by all means go to your Catholic schools and have fun saying your Catholic prayers."

Someone had to say it. City Honors has been one of the best schools in the country for way too long. In the past, they've always accepted the students who scored the best on the entrance exam (minus the politicians' kids who got in regardless of their test scores). Students were eager to learn without disrupting the class. That was clearly a recipe for disaster. The school must lower it's standards if it's going to compete with the rest of the schools in the district. If the Catholics are allowed access to City Honors, pretty soon the Jews and the Burmese might want to go there also and that would be totally unacceptable.

 If they keep the standards high, parents might be expected to read to their children, help them with their homework, and actually prepare them for success. That would be completely unreasonable. Parents have more important things to do with their time. Video games don't just play  themselves. How will parents know the winners of the latest reality shows if they're expected to invest their time towards their child's education?

Wingo's proclamation has set off a firestorm across the nation. The US Track and Field Federation announced today they would no longer be judging the Olympic sprinters' based solely on their times. A spokesperson for the Federation: "We're sick of winning all these gold medals. What's important is for our athletes to represent the diversity here in America. We've decided that at least two of our 4 X 100 relay members will be white and at least one of them will weigh at least 300 pounds. We want our runners to look like their fellow Americans in the stands." 

The National Spelling Bee was also moved by Councilmember Wingo. The correct spelling of words will no longer be the criteria used for judging the winner. Their spokesperson issued this statement today: "We've had enough of  these nerds from India coming over here and learning our grammar. We've decided that this year's winner will be of Puerto Rican descent regardless of whether they can spell or not. In the end, it's really about diversity."

The local news stations attempted to interview the affluent South Buffalo Catholic school parents to get their side of the story. However, they were too busy sailing on their yachts over at Cazenovia Creek and drinking champagne at the local country club with the rest of the powerful elite. 

A hastily planned protest over Wingo's comments for tomorrow at noon on the steps of City Hall was scrapped after it was determined that 90% of the Catholic school parents (unlike Wingo) had to actually be at work tomorrow.

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