Saturday, January 22, 2011

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 42


I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-If you're given the nickname "Mad Dog", you're pretty much destined for a life of crime. I've known two guys in my life with that nickname and both are very familiar with the American criminal justice system.

-The barber in my neighborhood growing up also doubled as a bookie. This was pretty much established when he answered the phone while cutting hair and said, "The falcon has landed."

-I wonder what the Malachi brothers are doing with themselves these days?
(Link) View more Henry Winkler Sound Clips and Happy Days Sound Clips

-I watch a lot of prison documentaries. The one thing I learned is it's probably not a good idea to tattle on a Mexican American inmate to one of the guards.
They won't consider you "one of the guys." If you tell on someone at work, you're annoying. If you tell on someone in prison you're a rat.

-When the hell did they start selling health insurance for pets? These veterinarians are the biggest scammers on earth. Even worse than the guys at the oil change place.

-Did you ever do something that is both embarrassing and painful at the same time? You want to scream in pain but first you have to look around. One of your neighbors might have seen you step on the rake before it came up and smacked you in the face. "Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to." Mark Twain

-If you go to McDonalds for breakfast and the line is at least three deep, do yourself a favor and turn around. You will be late for work if you decide to take the risk.

-Whose idea is it to allow Dan Dierdorf to remain on the air?

-I think for the playoffs in most sports, they should force the refs to get drunk before each game and eliminate instant replay. It would really add the "human element" to the game and be rather hilarious for the viewer. Did you ever try arguing with a drunk?

-Is there a sport more corrupt than harness racing?
The dwarfs riding these horses can control who wins and who loses each race. I have to get in with that group to find out when the fix is in. There's nothing better than gambling when there is no risk. Maybe I'll see what the barber is up to. Go forth and sin no more...


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