Thursday, January 13, 2011

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 41


I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-I was watching channel 2 News the other night. They did an international story on war torn Afghanistan followed by a local story on the Buffalo Public Schools. There was chaos, violence, and widespread looting. Everyone was walking around with weapons in their hands. Children were desperately searching for their parents. It was utter anarchy. The story on Afghanistan was pretty eye opening, also.

-Given the tragic death of Corey Haim, there is no word yet on whether they found a second Corey to continue the Two Corey's reality show. Former Bengals Running Back Corey Dillon and former Buffalo Bills Defensive Coordinator Walt Corey are said to be in the running for the coveted second Corey spot.


-If the Sabres don't make the playoffs this year, I think Lindy Ruff has to go. I could put up with a lousy team if they weren't so boring to watch. Every offseason, Ruff says he "Likes the players he has." I'm glad he does, because the rest of us realize they STINK.

-I have an insight to Andrew Cuomo's unique accent. I believe it is the accent of a guy with a New York City accent trying to hide the fact that he has a New York City accent. Somewhere along the line, one of his advisers must have told him that sounding like Vinnie Barbarino from
Welcome Back Kotter could be a hindrance towards his Presidential aspirations. For some reason, people in middle America don't trust a guy who sounds like he just took the subway from Brooklyn to Queens...

-Speaking of accents, I always find it funny when someone is speaking English so poorly that the documentary maker has to insert English subtitles so the viewer can understand what they are saying.

-If you donate one of your kidneys to someone and your other kidney gives you problems, is it bad manners to ask for the original one back?

-The best field trip I ever went on was a Kindergarten field trip to McDonalds. I couldn't believe they let us go behind the counter and gave us free food. Every year after that was a major disappointment. There was nowhere to go but down after that.

-I wonder if they still take students on field trips to the Attica Correctional Facility? I never went there but I heard the stories of inmates yelling and swearing at the students. No thanks. I think I'd rather stay in school and work on Quantum Physics.

-The reason I liked team Russia at the World Junior Hockey Championships is they were here without their parents. Unlike Canada and team USA, the Russians partied off the ice as hard as they played on it and didn't need their parents to hold their hands before and after each game.

-I have to go. Mark Zuckerberg just called me again. I wonder what the hell he wants this time. Probably another stupid question about the internet.

-If you're having dental problems, I hear good things about Crystal Meth.

Go forth and sin no more and please see a doctor if your erection lasts longer than four hours...


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