Sunday, December 5, 2010

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 38


I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-After a snowstorm hits the ghetto, you really get an opportunity to meet your neighbors. I was shoveling my car out the other day when one of the neighbors was out making the rounds. Not knowing what to say, I mentioned that I was thinking about learning how to cross country ski. He said, "I'm not allowed to do that because of the metal plates in my head."

-When did they put a bar in the McKinley Mall?

-Speaking of malls. Remember the fountain at the old Seneca Mall where people would throw their pennies? I think everyone had a story of someone they knew who went inside and stole some of the change.

-Twitter must be a nightmare for the agents of pro athletes. Everyday, we're hearing a new story about one of them saying something ridiculous on it. They have 10,000 "followers" but don't seem to get the concept that what they say, will be picked up by the media.???

-My brother reminded me of something today. Remember when the city spent all the money putting up those Evacuation Route signs on South Park Avenue and Abbott Rd.? It's a good thing we had those signs when the snowstorm hit the other day. Those were among the first streets closed to traffic.

-When are moon boots going to make a comeback? Those things were the warmest, lightest boots ever invented. I predict they will be popular again within three years.

-I saw a Forensic Files story the other day about a guy who blew up two churches because one of the churches denied him membership to it. I understand why country clubs might deny someone membership but how can a church do that? I don't think I'd want to belong to a church that had applicants instead of members.

-Regarding the same story, if you're a librarian and a patron comes in and checks out books on how to make pipe bombs and two nearby churches get blown up by pipe bombs, you might want to consider contacting the authorities. Red flag.

-I hooked up two computers at my house and connected both to Skype the other day. I had a great conversation with myself about global warming.

-Caffeine free cola is the worst invention known to man. The reason people drink cola is because of the caffeine. I'd rather drink New Coke. At least that had caffeine in it.

-Just when you thought you had heard everything-thundersnow.

-I'll leave you with an imitation of Rodney Dangerfield. I don't know who this guy is, but he sounds just like him. Go forth and sin no more...

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