Saturday, December 18, 2010

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 39


I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-The only thing better than the mall Santa Claus who just got out of rehab is the mall Santa who still doesn't realize he needs to go to rehab. A great movie would be about a down on his luck mall Santa who somehow does something extraordinary and saves Christmas. Give me two days and I could write the screenplay. Walter Matheau would have been ideal for the part, but Bill Murray would be great, too.

-How have we managed to survive without the new New York state license plates they tried to force us to buy last year? And yet the patronage at the NY Thruway Authority continues to grow.

-Many people view John Lennon as their favorite Beatle. Most of the Beatles songs I like were sung by Paul McCartney. Some musicians say George Harrison was actually the most talented. But what about Ringo Starr? Did they pick him up at the bus stop on the way to the recording studio?

-Is it me or do they sell only cheap plastic shovels nowadays? Either that or the snow has somehow gotten heavier over the years. Also, every story regarding rude behavior during snow cleanup is always followed by a sarcastic "and I thought Buffalo was supposed to be the city of good neighbors." I must have heard that ten times last week.

-It's no fun getting old. I remember in my 20s we'd leave the house at 11PM to go have a few drinks. Now, an exciting Friday night is when I leave the house at 9:30 to pick up a gallon of milk at Wilson Farms.

-I don't know why, but for some reason it's funny when you see a car with three feet of snow on the roof. This is especially true when it's in an area where it isn't currently snowing.

-Did you ever notice when you stop and ask a heavy person for directions, they always use restaurants as landmarks? "You go two lights. There will be an Arby's on the corner. Take a left until you see a McDonalds. Then turn right." For some reason, most people in South Buffalo do the same thing with taverns.

-Speaking of South Buffalo, they say 80% of small businesses fail. How come the pizzerias, taverns, and porno stores around here always seem to survive the terrible economy? Location. Location. Location.Go forth and sin no more.


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