Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 49

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

How to win friends and influence me...

-Racism takes on a different form in the era of political correctness. When people in my neighborhood come up to me and say, "the neighborhood's really changing", what they really mean is that black people are moving in. I had one guy tell me, "there are a lot of strangers moving in around here." I really don't care what color someone is, as long as they read my blog and heed my words.

-You can always tell when someone gets a Christmas gift they're not too happy about. They open it, flash a huge, fake smile, and act overly excited. They then proceed to tell you how it is just what they needed. Sure it was.

-Arby's has a new policy of asking the customers their first name when they place their order. The next time I go there, I plan on telling them my name is Osama Rodriguez.

-One of the great sounds during Fall/Winter in Western New York are the train whistles. They are so peaceful. You're in your house and you hear the horn and the sounds of the train roaring down the tracks. You know they are moving through the wilderness right through your backyard. In an age of computers, Ipods, satellite cable, etc, this sound reminds me that not much has really changed since the 1830's.

-I look at our populated regions as minor dots that run between the forests.

-Sanford & Son was a funny show, but Redd Fox apparently wasn't much for studying his lines. Watch the show. One minute, he's talking to Lamont. The next he turns around and looks at the cue cards to see what he's supposed to say next.

-It's funny when I sub and recognize a common South Buffalo last name (or a sometimes uncommon one). I'll think of the craziest person I know from their family and ask them if they're related to the guy. They always blush and confirm my suspicions. Then, I'll proceed to tell them the craziest story I know involving their uncle, father, cousin, etc. Sometimes, the story is so crazy I'm forced to keep it to myself. There have been no shortage of characters in South Buffalo throughout the years.

-One time, a former coworker went to our boss to complain about our low rate of pay. The boss said, "I've always found that the more money you make, the more you tend to spend." Talk about a bizarre response.

Wake me up when September ends...


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