Sunday, August 21, 2011

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 47


I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

These random thoughts are really not that interesting...

-It's a sure sign you're in the ghetto when you see someone wearing a jacket with someone else's name on it. You know the man's name is Al, but his jacket says Frank. You ask him about it and he just shrugs. Along with the mullet and can of Budweiser in their hand, it's a sure sign they don't get up and put on a suit in the morning.

-When did Puerto Ricans start ending every sentence with papi?

-I think it annoys most people when Hollywood remakes classic movies. I went to see the remake of Psycho and they could not duplicate Alfred Hitchcock or Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates. It was the same story when they tried to redo Willy Wonka. Now, I hear a remake of The Wizard of Oz is in the works. Somebody must stop this. What they really should do is remake movies that stunk. We've all seen movies with a great premise that simply weren't written well. They should take the original idea and try again.

-We sneeze in public and people who don't know us say, "God bless you." What bizarre creatures these humans are.

-The worst Olympic performance ever had to be boxer Riddick Bowe at the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona. Before his fight, ABC did this long piece proclaiming him to be the next Muhammed Ali. They had me sold until I watched him get his butt whipped by some 135 pound South Korean in two rounds.

-In the 1980's, if you didn't think something was fair, you would say, "That's jive."

-If you go to the Facebook people you may know section, does it scare anyone that Facebook knows every person you ever met in your life. Somehow, I don't think this can possibly be a good thing.

-I was surrounded by a group of angry citizens the other day intent on stoning me. A wise man saw what was happening and said , "Hey, what's going on here?" Someone in the mob shouted, "This man has besmirched our families' names and reputations through the satirical statements on his blog." The wise man answered, "He should be immediately punished for this. Let he amongst you who is not an illiterate drunk, political opportunist, non-city worker, or private sector employee, cast the first stone." One by one, they began to walk away heading towards Doc Sullivans and the Buffalo Irish Center, beginning with the elders. The wise man looked at me and said, "Go forth, continue with your brilliance, and sin no more." He then quietly put his pack of Newport 100s between his shirt and his shoulder and walked back into Cigar's Bar on Seneca Street.


No comments:

Post a Comment