Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Random thoughts from the ghetto-Volume 58

I look out my window and see the empty 40 oz beer bottles, hypodermic needles, crack pipes and abandoned shopping carts on my front lawn and begin to think. The end results have become known as my random thoughts from the ghetto...

-I'm not sure whether it's funny or terrible when I see pedestrians get splashed while walking on the sidewalk. The other day, when we had downpours all morning/afternoon, I witnessed two separate splashing incidents. The puddles were huge and neither incident was intentional. However, when the water flew six feet in the air, the looks on the pedestrians' faces were priceless as they tried to escape. I've been on the receiving end of one of these impromptu baptisms before and I can assure you they're no joke.

-You don't see many drunks walking around with flasks anymore.

-I'm getting pretty sick of those $1 charity posters they try to sell you at gas stations, drug stores, etc. If you say no, you're cheap. If you say yes, chances are you're helping to pay the overpriced salaries of the organization's executives. If someone's in need of a donation, I'll give it to them personally. I'd like to see stores outlaw this annoying practice. But it is funny when you look on the wall at one of the posters and see that O.J. Simpson has made a donation.

-The next time we have a soccer registration, I'm going to ask people if they'd like to donate $1 to fight some fictitious disease. I'll bet I could easily collect $20.

-I wonder what the political class is going to do to try and censor my writings? You know it's coming soon.

-I like green olives better than black ones, except on Thanksgiving.

-I was subbing the other day and I noticed a 2nd grader named Jesus' was sitting next to a classmate named Moses. I clearly was not working in Williamsville.

-If the student next to them was named Mohammed, I probably would have screamed and ran out of the building.


-I'm thinking about getting one of those seeing eye dogs. They would seem to be a great conversation starter with the chicks.

-Someone at work told me about an upcoming seminar called "Climbing the Ladder." It is for people who want to move into management positions. I told her I would rather put the ladder away.

-Was Smokey and the Bandit based on a true story?

Keep your foot hard on the pedal. Son, never mind them brakes.
Let it all hang out 'cause we got a run to make.
The boys are thirsty in Atlanta and there's beer in Texarcana.
And we'll bring it back no matter what it takes...


No comments:

Post a Comment